Why Are You Following Me?

Hey there Twitter stranger. I see that you are following me now. I wonder what exactly I said to make you follow me? Let’s look at your profile. Wow, you have 30,000 followers. You must be some kind of local celebrity eh? I’m feeling pretty cool now. Wait… you are following 30,000 people too? Am I comprehending that right? You actually follow 30,000 people. That’s like trying to listen to every conversation in a baseball stadium! I follow 50 people and I have trouble keeping up with everything, how in the hell are you following that many people?

Do you really think I’m that dumb. Do you really think that I’m going to just follow you back? You don’t care about me or what I have to say. You just want me to boost your stats. I bet you brag about how big you are on Twitter at parties. I bet you tell all your business buddies that you’re a social media guru. How many of those followers are real people anyway and not just bots or porn spammers? You probably don’t care do you. It’s all the same stat boost right?

Not only am I not going to follow you back but you are actually padding my stats now sucker! But that would be pretty hypacritical of me. I guess I’m going to have to go for the full out block. The shame is that you won’t even notice when I permanently sever the link between us. But maybe this could be he start of something great. Maybe this rant will inspire other people to block you from their followers list. Come on people. Let’s drop the “Internet Marketers” that only want you to help make them look important. Sure it will knock your stats down a few, but don’t be so vain. No one cares how many people follow you. Do it! Block those losers! Isolate those punks so that the only ones that actually listen to them are robots and skanks.

If you are feeling adventurous send them a reply that simply asks “why are you following me?” Let them know that we aren’t a mindless mass desparate to connect with anyone and everyone. We have something to say too so if you want my return follow, convince me that you are listening.